Love Is Present
“Your Body Is Here But”….
Are you old enough to remember the song that goes, “Your body’s here with me but your mind is on the other side of town, messing me around”?
It was debuted by The O’Jay’s 1982.
The crazy thing about that song is that it’s timeless. Meaning, it’s just as relevant today as it was thirty-two years ago. As we often say “Same problem, different day.”
I think about how many relationships are suffering and have become so malnourished simply because people just aren’t present in the relationship anymore. Whether it’s due to unfaithfulness or “entanglements,” or just our everyday distractions, like smartphones and social media, etc. We find so many things that divert our attention away from what really matters, which are our relationships.
We say all the time that communication is the key to a successful relationship, and it’s true. You can’t have a relationship without communication. But listen, if you aren’t present, how can you have effective communication? You can’t!
I can really speak to this because it’s something I used to struggle with. I remember in the early years of my marriage, I was young, energetic, and seemed as though I had the whole world in the palm of my hands. I had been married almost a year to my beautiful wife, who at the time was carrying our first child. I felt as though I had everything I needed but failed to realize that it took work to maintain what I had. I, like so many people in a relationship, had begun to take our marriage for granted and slowly found us drifting apart. Though I was physically present in the house, my mind was everywhere else except with her. Due to my ignorance and lack of attention, I couldn’t see that my wife was lonely, emotionally hurting, and desperately needing my attention. Inevitably, our marriage became one-sided and my pregnant wife suffered immensely.
Of course, things eventually improved. I matured as a husband and began to meet my wife’s needs and marriage became fulfilling for both of us, and yes, throughout the years, we had different challenges but we were able to overcome them all by learning to love each other.
Throughout our twenty-three years of marriage, God has taught us a very important lesson, and that is, Love Is Present. We now understand that no matter what’s going on in our individual lives, we need to be present with one another. Being present is simply being engaged, and having good engagement is what makes relationships so amazing. Having someone that shows interest in you, makes you feel valued, it makes you feel wanted and needed. It gives you purpose, and where there’s purpose, there is a reason to live. I remember later on in our marriage, my wife told me that during her time without my presence, she said to God, “Just take me. I really don’t want to be here anymore.” I had no idea that due to my lack of presence or engagement in her life, that she had experienced so much pain.
So, I’ve learned that when you stop and intentionally engage in someone’s life, it makes them feel special and valued. Think about it, there’s nothing like finding yourself hurting or in fear and someone shows up and express concern for you and want to genuinely protect you and ease your pain. We’ve all been there, whether as a child or an adult. Having someone to engage our lives with love gives us a great sense of value in life and relationship. It’s something we all need, both men and women.
Something beautiful happens when two lives engage and began to display interest in one another, they end up finding what’s called “rhythm.” In order to have a successful thriving relationship with someone, you must find their rhythm. It’s like playing double-dutch rope. Most times the person that just stands there, and stares at the ropes before jumping in, is hardly ever successful. But, it’s easy to pick out the person that’s about to really kill it. They’re the ones that find themselves unconsciously rocking back and forth, looking for the rhythm of the rope, that “sweet spot.” They are the ones that see themselves inside the ropes before they’re actually in the ropes, so that when the time comes they’re able to jump in and dominate the ropes, keeping the flow.
This is why it’s so important to study your spouse if you’re married or significant other while dating. Become present and learn each other’s rhythm of love and you’ll notice yourself becoming one with each other, fulfilling each other’s needs as you move forward with purpose.
A successful relationship requires intentional presence. Take some time and think of how you can become more engaged and present with your loved one. Study their moves, learn their likes and their dislikes. Find out what makes them tick, and remember as you study them, you’re just rocking to find their rhythm. You’ll then find yourself ahead of them fulfilling their needs and wants before they express it and trust me, they’ll notice and began to fall deeper in love with the flow. It’s called “intimacy.”
Love Is Present, Love Is Success